Tiger Mom suggests balance

Last Friday morning, I had the pleasure of meeting Amy Chua at a professional conference of Independent Educational Consultants in Philadelphia. Amy, aka, Tiger Mom, agreed to present her parenting experiences, successes and failures with us and compare her perceptions of average Chinese parenting with average American parenting.

At one point in her remarks she identified three parenting dimensions where she believes false distinctions are often made.

False Dichotomy #1: Children can be either successful or happy, not both.

Doing what we want when we want doesn't necessarily bring happiness. Being successful at something we don't like doesn't bring happiness either. Her claim is that one has little to do with the other. When parents don't expect their children to study, practice, or achieve by using the excuse "we want them to be happy", they're mistaken.

We sometimes see this dimension playing out when students are selecting senior year courses. A student may say that they don't want to take any more math after 11th grade, or that they don't want to take a 4th or 5th year of a foreign language. Parents want their children to be happy, so they sign the enrollment slip without insisting on additional academic work. However, when the child then wants to apply to selective colleges, or earn scholarship money, other sources of happiness, they find out that they're not competitive. Students who continue to challenge themselves academically through their junior and senior years can be happy and successful. They may have had to defer their happiness a little, but they have both: happiness and success. Balance is key.

False Dichotomy #2: Students can either be creative or hardworking.

I've heard parents claim that their child shouldn't be penalized for not completing homework assignments, because it's too boring and their child's creativity prohibits them from finishing mundane tasks.

Successful creative people are disciplined, persistent and hard working. A painter friend of mine works 10 hours a day for months creating pieces for a gallery show. His annual income depends on the success of the show. We all need to learn the importance of completing tasks. Some writers describe their work day; they write for several hours every morning whether or not they feel like it. Writers, artists, musicians, business executives, scientists, successful artists of any kind likely are both creative and hardworking. Balance is key.

False Dichotomy #3: Children can either have a happy, carefree childhood or get into a great college, not both.

If a child has had no expectations of success or achievement during the elementary and middle school years and starts high school without having developed a work ethic, he/she can be overwhelmed when college planning hits. In about 10th grade, when they sit for the PLAN or PSAT tests and start feeling the pressure of preparing for college, students can experience an inordinate amount of stress, stress their carefree childhoods have not prepared them for. The college stakes can be high. Students may struggle if they haven't learned to budget their time or prioritize their work. Students who are incrementally expected to accept more and more responsibility through out their childhood and early teen years have practice handling pressure and coping with stress. Carefree children who've practiced age appropriate skills of hard work usually reap the rewards of a positive college admissions experience. Balance is key.

Not sure what is the opposite of Tiger Mom, but extremes aren't the key to success, balance is.

What do the numbers 457 and 38 have to do with college advising?

This week I read a post on the US News and World Report blog. There's some great advice about how students can make the most of the time they get to spend talking with their school counselors about their college search and applications. The Boy Scout motto: BE PREPARED comes to mind.

The goal of every school counselor I know is to help every student as much as they can. With an average student load of 457 to 1, according the the National Center for Educational Statistics, a research study conducted by a University of California professor estimates that on average counselors have 38 minutes per student per year to advise on college related matters.

I suspect this causes frustrations for parents, students and for the counselors themselves. The president of NACAC, Mr. Miller provides specific advice on how students can make the most of those precious minutes. He suggests that students talk to their counselors about their own specific personal characteristics and preferences and let the counselor help them narrow down their list. Absolutely. There's not just one right college for each student. There are a set of colleges where a student would likely thrive and succeed. Also, rather than picking a college and then trying to contort oneself into fitting into the mold, it's much better to find the college that fits you naturally.

We've found that students often need help identifying their preferences and specific personal characteristics that then can be matched to an appropriate set of colleges. Teens aren't often knowledgeable about topics like their learning styles. They might be able to articulate why they like a certain teacher or course and then with assistance, they can draw some conclusions about themselves and then what colleges might work for someone with their strengths. Also, teens aren't often too knowledgeable about the world of colleges. They maybe know something about a few colleges near their homes, and of course, probably know now that Bulter University is in Indianapolis, but getting to the nitty-gritty of college characteristics takes time and exploration.

Considering the 457/38 figures, the US News blogger suggests that students and their families could benefit from some outside help. Of course, we agree. It's important for families to vet private counselors their considering hiring to work with their children. We suggest the IECA guidelines as questions to ask prospective private counselors.

College Rejections - Please Be Kind

Not so many years ago, high school seniors spent the last weeks of March anxiously checking the mailbox for the "fat envelope" to arrive, signaling acceptance to one of the 3-4 colleges to which they'd applied. Those with cars might dash home during lunch period to check the mail mid-day, while students with a mom at home called to see if there was any news.

Colleges still send those acceptance envelopes; sometimes they even arrive by FedEx. Some aren't even envelopes but parcels with tee shirts, posters, or car decals. But by the time the acceptance letter arrives in most households, the student already knows the admissions decision. They've checked it online. Entire chat rooms and Facebook pages spread the news virally that First Choice College has emailed its responses. Servers occasionally are overloaded by applicants flooding the college system with logins, searching for the earliest answer. The wait ends earlier, instantly, while looking at a computer screen or smartphone, maybe while surrounded by friends, maybe while standing alone in a corner of the high school parking lot.

Part of what can get missed in the email correspondence is the student reply to the college. Students, and parents, are eager to respond to the college the student plans to attend, ready to send the deposit, excited to learn about housing and orientation. But what about those other colleges? Their admissions staffs are now waiting to hear from you, checking the mailbox daily, hoping the countless hours that they spent reviewing essays and transcripts, trying to build a great first year entering class, will result in acceptances from the college's top choice - you!

There are many reasons that colleges want you to let them know if you are enrolling elsewhere. They need to manage their budgets, including their financial aid budgets. They need to plan for housing and first year seminars. There are students on the waitlist, eager to hear if there is room for them. Many schools track overlap schools, learning more about future applicants through information about which schools accepted applicants opted to attend.

Are you going to leave them wondering, like a date that seemed to go well but then is never heard from again? There's really only one reason why you need to take the time to say thank you, but no, to the schools you are rejecting. It's just rude not to respond. Slow down for a few minutes; think about the care and energy that was invested by each college in determining that you were indeed a good match for their school. Then email a note, fill out the response card, or handwrite a thank you. Be direct but be kind; let them down easy. It's the right thing to do.

Admissions Letters begin to appear in Minneapolis mailboxes!

Early letters from schools like Muhlenberg, St. Olaf, Wash U and Vandy have arrived in the mailboxes of our Minneapolis families. Congratulations to all! Once you have all of your acceptances and financial aid/scholarship offers, it will be DECISION time. Here are some other thoughts. It's certainly appropriate to grieve your denials and celebrate your acceptances. We advise waiting until the despair/euphoria die down before making your final decision.

Does a social media presence affect college admissions decisions?

Thanks to the movie, The Social Network, now even most 50-somethings and older know about Facebook. We're often asked how a student's facebook presence and activity, appropriate or inappropriate photos and posts, and friends' posts might affect a student's chances for college admissions.

Claims that questionable Facebook posts and photos can ruin a student's college chances are highly over rated. As you'll learn in this video, most college admissions officers are so swamped with work, they have no time to even think about checking applicants' Facebook pages.

However, there are cases when a the social media presence of a student can influence college decisions. If you're a recruited athlete, in the running for a selective scholarship, have been suspended from school, or if you are applying for admission to a program where there are lots more applicants than seats, you might get 'googled'.

Here's the link to an interview on KARE 11 discussing this issue.

College Admissions Statistics - What do they mean for you?

84% of students apply to fewer than 7 colleges. What should your number be?

21% of students are denied admission to their first choice college. What good is a first choice college?

Of those admitted to their first choice school, 40% didn't end up attending. Why?

About half of all students go to college within 100 miles of their home. What about you?

These issues were discussed the morning on the KARE 11 Sunrise show. Here's Kim Insley's interview with Valerie Broughton, College Connectors.

Rigor Matters

Students are getting the message that the rigor of their high school courses matters.

The College Board administers Advanced Placement tests each spring to high school students. most all of whom enrolled in the corresponding Advanced Placement course in their high school during the school year.

Students who study subjects with the AP curriculum enjoy several benefits. First of all, when admissions personnel review their transcripts, the admissions staff are assured that students have taken the most challenging coursework their high school has to offer. Success in rigorous high school curriculum is the #1 item selective colleges consider in selecting their freshmen class.

Another advantage accrues to students who earn a score of 3 or higher on their AP exam. Many colleges award college credit to students who score a 3, 4, or 5 on an AP test. The range of exam scores is 1-5.

Lastly, a recent report found that success on these AP exams predicts college success, especially freshman to sophomore retention.

Nationally, there's been a 6% increase in the number of public school students who "pass" AP exams and in the state of Minnesota, that increase is 8%. Currently, 16.8% of high school seniors in Minnesota take and score at least a 3 on at least one AP exam.

We're thrilled that students are getting the message that there's value in challenging themselves by taking rigorous courses in high school.