College Rejections - Please Be Kind

Not so many years ago, high school seniors spent the last weeks of March anxiously checking the mailbox for the "fat envelope" to arrive, signaling acceptance to one of the 3-4 colleges to which they'd applied. Those with cars might dash home during lunch period to check the mail mid-day, while students with a mom at home called to see if there was any news.

Colleges still send those acceptance envelopes; sometimes they even arrive by FedEx. Some aren't even envelopes but parcels with tee shirts, posters, or car decals. But by the time the acceptance letter arrives in most households, the student already knows the admissions decision. They've checked it online. Entire chat rooms and Facebook pages spread the news virally that First Choice College has emailed its responses. Servers occasionally are overloaded by applicants flooding the college system with logins, searching for the earliest answer. The wait ends earlier, instantly, while looking at a computer screen or smartphone, maybe while surrounded by friends, maybe while standing alone in a corner of the high school parking lot.

Part of what can get missed in the email correspondence is the student reply to the college. Students, and parents, are eager to respond to the college the student plans to attend, ready to send the deposit, excited to learn about housing and orientation. But what about those other colleges? Their admissions staffs are now waiting to hear from you, checking the mailbox daily, hoping the countless hours that they spent reviewing essays and transcripts, trying to build a great first year entering class, will result in acceptances from the college's top choice - you!

There are many reasons that colleges want you to let them know if you are enrolling elsewhere. They need to manage their budgets, including their financial aid budgets. They need to plan for housing and first year seminars. There are students on the waitlist, eager to hear if there is room for them. Many schools track overlap schools, learning more about future applicants through information about which schools accepted applicants opted to attend.

Are you going to leave them wondering, like a date that seemed to go well but then is never heard from again? There's really only one reason why you need to take the time to say thank you, but no, to the schools you are rejecting. It's just rude not to respond. Slow down for a few minutes; think about the care and energy that was invested by each college in determining that you were indeed a good match for their school. Then email a note, fill out the response card, or handwrite a thank you. Be direct but be kind; let them down easy. It's the right thing to do.